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Sep 16, 2011

Cisco Router Configuration in Command Line Interface


Cisco Router Configuration Tutorial

Josh Gentry, jgentry@swcp.com
v.1.4, 14 May, 2011


This document covers basic Cisco router IP configuration using the command-line interface


Acknowledgments
The following sources where extremely useful:
  • Leinwand, Pinsky, and Culpepper. Cisco Router Configuration. Indianapolis, Indiana: Cisco Press, 1998.
  • Cisco Systems, Inc., http://www.cisco.com
Disclaimer
This document carries no explicit or implied warranty. Nor is there any guarantee that the information contained in this document is accurate. It is offered in the hopes of helping others, but you use it at your own risk. The author will not be liable for any damages that occur as a result of using this document.
Conventions
Important terms and concepts, when they are introduced, may be displayed in bold. Commands included in the body of the text will be displayed in this font. All names and addresses used in examples are just that, examples, and should not be used on your network. Do not type them in verbatim when configuring your system. Finally, in some examples where the command rquires an IP address as an argument, the IP address may be represented in this way, xx.xx.xx.xx, or aa.bb.cc.dd. You will never actually use these strings when configuring your system. They are mearly a convention of this document to specify that you should substitute the appropriate IP address at that point.

1. What this document covers

There are several methods available for configuring Cisco routers. It can be done over the network from a TFTP server. It can be done through the menu interface provided at bootup, and it can be done from the menu interface provided by using the command setup. This tutorial does not cover these methods. It covers configuration from the IOS command-line interface only. Useful for anyone new to Cisco routers, and those studying for CCNA.
Note that this tutorial does not cover physically connecting the router to the networks it will be routing for. It covers operating system configuration only.

1.1 Reasons for using the command-line

The main reason for using the command-line interface instead of a menu driven interface is speed. Once you have invested the time to learn the command-line commands, you can perform many operations much more quickly than by using a menu. This is basically true of all command-line vs. menu interfaces. What makes it especially efficient to learn the command-line interface of the Cisco IOS is that it is standard across all Cisco routers. Also, some questions on the CCNA exam require you to know command-line commands.

2. Getting started with Cisco

Initially you will probably configure your router from a terminal. If the router is already configured and at least one port is configured with an IP address, and it has a physical connection to the network, you might be able to telnet to the router and configure it across the network. If it is not already configured, then you will have to directly connect to it with a terminal and a serial cable. With any Windows box you can use Hyperterminal to easily connect to the router. Plug a serial cable into a serial (COM) port on the PC and the other end into the console port on the Cisco router. Start Hyperterminal, tell it which COM port to use and click OK. Set the speed of the connection to 9600 baud and click OK. If the router is not on, turn it on.
If you wish to configure the router from a Linux box, either Seyon or Minicom should work. At least one of them, and maybe both, will come with your Linux distribution.
Often you will need to hit the Enter key to see the prompt from the router. If it is unconfigured it will look like this:
Router>If it has been previously configured with a hostname, it will look like this:
hostname of router>If you have just turned on the router, after it boots it will ask you if you wish to begin initial configuration. Say no. If you say yes, it will put you in the menu interface. Say no.

2.1 Modes

The Cisco IOS command-line interface is organized around the idea of modes. You move in and out of several different modes while configuring a router, and which mode you are in determines what commands you can use. Each mode has a set of commands available in that mode, and some of these commands are only available in that mode. In any mode, typing a question mark will display a list of the commands available in that mode.
Router>?

2.2 Unprivileged and privileged modes

When you first connect to the router and provide the password (if necessary), you enter EXEC mode, the first mode in which you can issue commands from the command-line. From here you can use such unprivileged commands as ping, telnet, and rlogin. You can also use some of the showcommands to obtain information about the system. In unprivileged mode you use commands like, show version to display the version of the IOS the router is running. Typing show ? will diplay all the show commands available in the mode you are presently in.
Router>show ?You must enter privileged mode to configure the router. You do this by using the command enable. Privileged mode will usually be password protected unless the router is unconfigured. You have the option of not password protecting privileged mode, but it is HIGHLY recommended that you do. When you issue the command enable and provide the password, you will enter privileged mode.
To help the user keep track of what mode they are in, the command-line prompt changes each time you enter a different mode. When you switch from unprivileged mode to privileged mode, the prompt changes from:
Router>to
Router#This would probably not be a big deal if there were just two modes. There are, in fact, numerous modes, and this feature is probably indispensable. Pay close attention to the prompt at all times.
Within privileged mode there are many sub-modes. In this document I do not closely follow Cisco terminology for this hierarchy of modes. I think that my explanation is clearer, frankly. Cisco describes two modes, unprivileged and privileged, and then a hierarchy of commands used in privileged mode. I reason that it is much clearer to understand if you just consider there to be many sub-modes of privileged mode, which I will also call parent mode. Once you enter privileged mode (parent mode) the prompt ends with a pound sign (#). There are numerous modes you can enter only after entering privileged mode. Each of these modes has a prompt of the form:
Router(arguments)#They still all end with the pound sign. They are subsumed within privileged mode. Many of these modes have sub-modes of their own. Once you enter priliged mode, you have access to all the configuration information and options the IOS provides, either directly from the parent mode, or from one of its submodes.

3. Configuring your Cisco Router

If you have just turned on the router, it will be completely unconfigured. If it is already configured, you may want to view its current configuration. Even if it has not been previously configured, you should familiarize yourself with the show commands before beginning to configure the router. Enter privileged mode by issuing the command enable, then issue several show commands to see what they display. Remember, the command show ? will display all theshowcommands aavailable in the current mode. Definately try out the following commands:
Router#show interfaces
Router#show ip protocols
Router#show ipv6 protocols
Router#show ip route
Router#show ipv6 route
Router#show ip arp
Router#show ipv6 neighborsWhen you enter privileged mode by using the command enable, you are in the top-level mode of privileged mode, also known in this document as "parent mode." It is in this top-level or parent mode that you can display most of the information about the router. As you now know, you do this with the showcommands. Here you can learn the configuration of interfaces and whether they are up or down. You can display what IP protocols are in use, such as dynamic routing protocols. You can view the route and ARP tables, and these are just a few of the more important options.
As you configure the router, you will enter various sub-modes to set options, then return to the parent mode to display the results of your commands. You also return to the parent mode to enter other sub-modes. To return to the parent mode, you hit ctrl-z. This puts any commands you have just issued into affect, and returns you to parent mode.

3.1 Global configuration (config)

To configure any feature of the router, you must enter configuration mode. This is the first sub-mode of the parent mode. In the parent mode, you issue the command config.
Router#config
Router(config)#As demonstrated above, the prompt changes to indicate the mode that you are now in.
In connfiguration mode you can set options that apply system-wide, also refered to as "global configurations." For instance, it is a good idea to name your router so that you can easily identify it. You do this in configuration mode with the hostname command.
Router(config)#hostname ExampleName
ExampleName(config)#As demonstrated above, when you set the name of the host with the hostname command, the prompt immediately changes by replacing Router withExampleName. (Note: It is a good idea to name your routers with an organized naming scheme.)
Another useful command issued from config mode is the command to designate the DNS server to be used by the router:
ExampleName(config)#ip name-server aa.bb.cc.dd
ExampleName(config)#ctrl-Z
ExampleName#This is also where you set the password for privileged mode.
ExampleName(config)#enable secret examplepassword
ExampleName(config)#ctrl-Z
ExampleName#Until you hit ctrl-Z (or type exit until you reach parent mode) your command has not been put into affect. You can enter config mode, issue several different commands, then hit ctrl-Z to activate them all. Each time you hit ctrl-Z you return to parent mode and the prompt:
ExampleName#Here you use show commands to verify the results of the commands you issued in config mode. To verify the results of the ip name-server command, issue the command show host.

3.2 Configuring Cisco router interfaces

Cisco interface naming is straightforward. Individual interfaces are referred to by this convention:
media type slot#/port#"Media type" refers to the type of media that the port is an interface for, such as Ethernet, Token Ring, FDDI, serial, etc. Slot numbers are only applicable for routers that provide slots into which you can install modules. These modules contain several ports for a given media. The 7200 series is an example. These modules are even hot-swapable. You can remove a module from a slot and replace it with a different module, without interrupting service provided by the other modules installed in the router. These slots are numbered on the router.
Port number refers to the port in reference to the other ports in that module. Numbering is left-to-right, and all numbering starts at 0, not at one.
For example, a Cisco 7206 is a 7200 series router with six slots. To refer to an interface that is the third port of an Ethernet module installed in the sixth slot, it would be interface ethernet 6/2. Therefor, to display the configuration of that interface you use the command:
ExampleName#show interface ethernet 6/2If your router does not have slots, like a 1600, then the interface name consists only of:
media type port#For example:
ExampleName#show interface serial 0Here is an example of configuring a serial port with an IP address:
ExampleName#config
ExampleName(config)#interface serial 1/1
ExampleName(config-if)#ip address 192.168.155.2 255.255.255.0
ExampleName(config-if)#ipv6 address fe80::230:1bff:fe80:b8ea/64
ExampleName(config-if)#ipv6 enable
ExampleName(config-if)#no shutdown
ExampleName(config-if)#ctrl-Z
ExampleName#Then to verify configuration:
ExampleName#show interface serial 1/1Note the no shutdown command. An interface may be correctly configured and physically connected, yet be "administratively down." In this state it will not function. The command for causing an interface to be administratively down is shutdown.
ExampleName(config)#interface serial 1/1
ExampleName(config-if)#shutdown
ExampleName(config-if)#ctrl-Z
ExampleName#show interface serial 1/1In the Cisco IOS, the way to reverse or delete the results of any command is to simply put no infront of it. For instance, if we wanted to unassign the IP address we had assigned to interface serial 1/1:
ExampleName(config)#interface serail 1/1
ExampleName(config-if)#no ip address 192.168.155.2 255.255.255.0
ExampleName(config-if)ctrl-Z
ExampleName#show interface serial 1/1Configuring most interfaces for LAN connections might consist only of assigning a network layer address and making sure the interface is not administratively shutdown. It is usually not necessary to stipulate data-link layer encapsulation. Note that it is often necessary to stipulate the appropriate data-link layer encapsulation for WAN connections, such as frame-relay and ATM. Serial interfaces default to using HDLC. A discussion of data-link protocols is outside the scope of this document. You will need to look up the IOS command encapsulation for more details.

3.3 Configuring Cisco Routing

IP routing is automatically enabled on Cisco routers. If it has been previously disabled on your router, you turn it back on in config mode with the commandip routing.
ExampleName(config)#ip routing
ExampleName(config)#ctrl-ZTo enable IPv6 routing, use the command ipv6 unicast-routing.
ExampleName(config)#ipv6 unicast-routing
ExampleName(config)#ctrl-ZThere are two main ways a router knows where to send packets. The administrator can assign static routes, or the router can learn routes by employing adynamic routing protocol.
Static routes are generally used in very simple networks or in particular cases that necessitate their use. To create a static route, the administrator tells the router operating system that any network traffic destined for a specified network layer address should be forwarded to a similiarly specified network layer address. In the Cisco IOS this is done with the ip route and ipv6 route commands.
ExampleName#config
ExampleName(config)#ip route 172.16.0.0 255.255.255.0 192.168.150.1
ExampleName(config)#ctrl-Z
ExampleName#show ip route
ExampleName#config
ExampleName(config)#ipv6 route fe80::230:1bff:fe80::/64 fe80::230:1bff:fe80::1
ExampleName(config)#ctrl-Z
ExampleName#show ipv6 routeTwo things to be said about this example. First, the packet destination address must include the subnet mask for that destination network. Second, the address it is to be forwarded to is the specified addres of the next router along the path to the destination. This is the most common way of setting up a static route, and the only one this document covers. Be aware, however, that there are other methods.
Dynamic routing protocols, running on connected routers, enable those routers to share routing information. This enables routers to learn the routes available to them. The advantage of this method is that routers are able to adjust to changes in network topologies. If a route is physically removed, or a neighbor router goes down, the routing protocol searches for a new route. Routing protocols can even dynamically choose between possible routes based on variables such as network congestion or network reliability.
There are many different routing protocols, and they all use different variables, known as "metrics," to decide upon appropriate routes. Unfortunately, a router needs to be running the same routing protocols as its neighbors. Many routers can, however, run mutliple protocols. Also, many protocols are designed to be able to pass routing information to other routing protocols. This is called "redistribution."
Routing protocols are a complex topic and this document contains only this superficial description of them. There is much to learn about them, and there are many sources of information about them available. An excelent source of information on this topic is Cisco's website, http://www.cisco.com.

3.4 IPv6 configuration with IOS

This is a seperate section because IPv6 is new to most people, and they will be looking specifically for information about configuring IPv6. Examples of configuring IPv6 are included throughout the document, however, alongside IPv4. That is a more accurate reflection of how you will work with IPv6 on a day-to-day basis. Once the newness of IPv6 passes, it will be one more piece in the familiar puzzle.
The important concept to understand when configuring IPv6 is that IPv4 and IPv6 exist in parrallel. One is not a replacement for the other, at least not in the way it is treated by the operating system. A term for this is dual stack. An interface can have an IPv4 address and no IPv6 address. Or an IPv6 address and no IPv4 address. Or both an IPv4 address and an IPv6 address. Examples:
IPv4 only
!
interface FastEthernet0/0
ip address 192.168.1.138 255.255.255.0
!
IPv6 only
!
interface FastEthernet0/0
ipv6 address fe80::230:1bff:fe80::/64
ipv6 enable
!
IPv4 and IPv6
!
interface FastEthernet0/0
ip address 192.168.1.138 255.255.255.0
ipv6 address fe80::230:1bff:fe80::/64
ipv6 enable
!Notice that there are seperate but similiar commands for IPv4 and IPv6. To assign an IPv4 address,
ExampleName(config-if)#ip address 192.168.1.138 255.255.255.0To assign an IPv6 address,
ExampleName(config-if)#ipv6 address fe80::230:1bff:fe80::/64There are some bigger differences between IPv4 and IPv6 IOS commands. For example, the IPv6 equivilant of show ip arp, is show ipv6 neighbors.

3.5 Saving your Cisco Router configuration

Once you have configured routing on the router, and you have configured individual interfaces, your router should be capable of routing traffic. Give it a few moments to talk to its neighbors, then issue the commands show ip route and show ip arp. There should now be entries in these tables learned from the routing protocol.
If you turned the router off right now, and turned it on again, you would have to start configuration over again. Your running configuration is not saved to any perminent storage media. You can see this configuration with the command show running-config.
ExampleName#show running-configYou do want to save your successful running configuration. Issue the command copy running-config startup-config.
ExampleName#copy running-config startup-configYour configuration is now saved to non-volatile RAM (NVRAM). Issue the command show startup-config.
ExampleName#show startup-configNow any time you need to return your router to that configuration, issue the command copy startup-config running-config.
ExampleName#copy startup-config running-config

3.6 Example Cisco Router configuration

  1. Router>enable
  2. Router#config
  3. Router(config)#hostname N115-7206
  4. N115-7206(config)#interface serial 1/1
  5. N115-7206(config-if)ip address 192.168.155.2 255.255.255.0
  6. N115-7206(config-if)ipv6 address fe80::230:1bff:fe80:b8ea/64
  7. N115-7206(config-if)ipv6 enable
  8. N115-7206(config-if)no shutdown
  9. N115-7206(config-if)ctrl-z
  10. N115-7206#show interface serial 1/1
  11. N115-7206#config
  12. N115-7206(config)#interface ethernet 2/3
  13. N115-7206(config-if)#ip address 192.168.150.90 255.255.255.0
  14. N115-7206(config-if)#no shutdown
  15. N115-7206(config-if)#ctrl-z
  16. N115-7206#show interface ethernet 2/3
  17. N115-7206#config
  18. N115-7206(config)#ip name-server 172.16.0.10
  19. N115-7206(config)#ctrl-z
  20. N115-7206#ping archie.au
  21. N115-7206#config
  22. N115-7206(config)#enable secret password
  23. N115-7206(config)#ctrl-z
  24. N115-7206#copy running-config startup-config
  25. N115-7206#exit

4. Troubleshooting your Cisco router

Inevitably, there will be problems. Usually, it will come in the form of a user notifying you that they can not reach a certain destination, or any destinattion at all. You will need to be able to check how the router is attempting to route traffic, and you must be able to track down the point of failure.
You are already familiar with the show commands, both specific commands and how to learn what other show commands are available. Some of the most basic, most useful commands you will use for troubleshooting are:
Router#show interfaces
Router#show ip protocols
Router#show ipv6 protocols
Router#show ip route
Router#show ipv6 route
Router#show ip arp
Router#show ipv6 neighbors

4.1 Testing connectivity

It is very possible that the point of failure is not in your router configuration, or at your router at all. If you examine your router's configuration and operation and everything looks good, the problem might be be farther up the line. In fact, it may be the line itself, or it could be another router, which may or may not be under your administration.
One extremely useful and simple diagnostic tool is the ping command. Ping is an implementation of the IP Message Control Protocol (ICMP). Ping sends an ICMP echo request to a destination IP address. If the destination machine receives the request, it responds with an ICMP echo response. This is a very simple exchange that consists of:
Hello, are you alive?
Yes, I am.
ExampleName#ping xx.xx.xx.xxIf the ping test is successful, you know that the destination you are having difficulty reaching is alive and physically reachable.
If there are routers between your router and the destination you are having difficulty reaching, the problem might be at one of the other routers. Even if youping a router and it responds, it might have other interfaces that are down, its routing table may be corrupted, or any number of other problems may exist.
To see where packets that leave your router for a particular destination go, and how far, use the trace command.
ExampleName#trace xx.xx.xx.xxIt may take a few minutes for this utility to finish, so give it some time. It will display a list of all the hops it makes on the way to the destination.

4.2 debug commands

There are several debug commands provided by the IOS. These commands are not covered here. Refer to the Cisco website for more information.

4.3 Hardware and physical connections

Do not overlook the possibility that the point of failure is a hardware or physical connection failure. Any number of things can go wrong, from board failures to cut cables to power failures. This document will not describew troubleshooting these problems, except for these simple things.
Check to see that the router is turned on. Also make sure that no cables are loose or damaged. Finally, make sure cables are plugged into the correct ports. Beyond this simple advice you will need to check other sources.

4.4 Out of your control

If the point of failure is farther up the line, the prolem might lie with equipment not under your administration. Your only option might be to contact the equipment's administrator, notify them of your problem, and ask them for help. It is in your interest to be courtious and respectful. The other administrator has their own problems, their own workload and their own priorities. Their agenda might even directly conflict with yours, such as their intention to change dynamic routing protocols, etc. You must work with them, even if the situation is frustrating. Alienating someone with the power to block important routes to your network is not a good idea.
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Sep 4, 2011

Difference Between Man and Woman



Differences Between Men and Women

People in relationships often have strong expectations that their partner will be just like they are: exhibit the same attitudes, values,  perceptions and behaviors.  However, we know that you will not change your partner's attitudes and behaviors unless they themselves are motivated to do so.  You are even less likely to change their basic gender characteristics.  So it is very important to educate yourself as to the basic gender differences which exist between men and women, and accept the fact that the differences are there, they are real, and they are not going away.  In this way you can learn to use the differences as a way to enrich your relationship rather than to damage it.
Are Men and Women really different?   Let's look at the evidence in a variety of areas of life.  Note that these findings are generalizations and summaries that apply to most men or women, but not to all men or all women.
1. PHYSIOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES 
  • Girls develop right side of brain faster than boys: leads to talking, vocabulary, pronunciation, reading earlier, better memory.
  • Boys develop left side faster than girls: visual-spatial-logical skills, perceptual skills, better at math, problem solving, building and figuring out puzzles.
  • Girls more interested in toys with faces than boys are; play with stuffed animals and dolls more; boys drawn to blocks or anything that can be manipulated.
  • Women use both hemispheres of brain; corpus callosum thicker in women.
2. SOCIAL INFLUENCES
    Studies of infants: 
  • Both men and women speak louder to boys than girl infants; they are softer and express more "cooing" with girls. Boys are rarely told they are sweet, pretty, little doll; boys are told they are a pumpkin head or "Hey big guy".
  • Boys handled more physically and robustly than girls, bounced around more .
  • Girls are caressed and stroked more than boys.
  • Up to age 2, mothers tend to talk to and look at their daughters significantly more than than they do with their sons, and make more eye contact with the daughters as well.
  • Mothers show a wider range of emotional response to girls than boys. When girls showed anger, mothers faces showed greater facial disapproval than when boys showed anger. May influence why girls grow up smiling more, more social, and better able to interpret emotions than boys.
  • Fathers use "Command terms" with boys more than girls; and more than mothers gave.
    Developmental Differences Between Boys and Girls:
  • Nursery rhymes, books and cartoons perpetuate stereotypes,which often promote damsel in distress, frumpy housewife, helpless senior citizen, sexy heroine and swooning cheerleader.
  • Girls use more terms of endearment than boys.
  • Boys get away with more aggressive antisocial behavior in school and home than girls.
  • Girls who act as tomboys are accepted; boys who act like girls are severely reprimanded ("don't cry" "Don't be a sissy").
  • Girls tend to talk about other people; secrets in order to bond friendships; and school, wishes and needs.
  • Boys talk about things and activities. What they are doing and who is best at the activity.
  • Teenage girls talk about boys, clothes and weight.
  • Teenage boys talk about sports, mechanics, and function of things.
  • age 12-18: biggest event for girls: have a boyfriend
  • are 12-18: boys are equally interested in the following: sex, cars and sports.
  • This carries into adulthood when women talk about relationships, people, diet, clothing, physical appearance. Men talk about sports, work, money, cars, news, politics, and the mechanics of things.
3. VALUES AND SELF ESTEEM AS ADULTS   
    MEN
  • A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results, through success and accomplishment. Achieve goals and prove his competence and feel good about himself.
  • To feel good about himself, men must achieve goals by themselves. 
  • For men, doing things by themselves is a symbol of efficiency, power and competence.
  • In general, men are more interested in objects and things rather than people and feelings.
  • Men rarely talk about their problems unless they are seeking "expert" advice; asking for help when you can do something yourself is a sign of weakness.
  • Men are more aggressive than women; more combative and territorial.
  • Men's self esteem is more career-related.
  • Men feel devastated by failure and financial setbacks; they tend to obsess about money much more than women
  • Men hate to ask for information because it shows they are a failure.
   WOMEN:
  • Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships.
  • A woman's sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They spend much time supporting, nurturing and helping each other. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.
  • Personal expression, in clothes and feelings, is very important. Communication is important. Talking, sharing and relating is how a woman feels good about herself.
  • For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it is a sign of caring to give support.
  • Women are very concerned about issues relating to physical attractiveness; changes in this area can be as difficult for women as changes in a man's financial status.
  • When men are preoccupied with work or money, women interpret it as rejection.
4. OTHER DIFFERENCES 
  • Men are more logical, analytical, rational.
  • Women are more intuitive, holistic, creative, integrative.
  • Men have a much more difficult time relating to their own feelings, and may feel very threatened by the expression of feelings in their presence. This may cause them to react by withdrawing or attempting to control the situation through a display of control and/or power.
  • Men are actually more vulnerable and dependent on relationships than women are and are more devastated by the ending, since they have fewer friends and sources of emotional support.
  • Men are more at ease with their own angry feelings than women are.
  • Women are in touch with a much wider range of feelings than men, and the intensity of those feelings is usually much greater for women than men. As a result of this, many man perceive that women's feelings appear to change quickly; men may find this irrational and difficult to understand.
  • Men tend to be more functional in approaching problem-solving; women are aesthetically-oriented in addition to being functional.
  • Women tend to be much more sensitive to sounds and smells than men are; and women as such tend to place a greater emphasis on "atmosphere". 
5. CONFLICTS WHICH ARISE DUE TO BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN 
  • The most frequent complain men have about women:  Women are always trying to change them.
  • The most frequent complaint women have about men: Men don't listen.
  • Women want empathy, yet men usually offer solutions.
  • When a woman tries to change or improve or correct or give advice to a man, men hear that they are being told that they aren't competent or don't know how to do something or that they can't do something on their own.
  • Men often feel responsible or to blame for women's problems.
  • Men always assume women want advice and solutions to problems, that that is the best way to be helpful and to show love; women often just want someone to sincerely listen to them.
  • Housework: men avoid it, try to get others to do it at all costs, feel demeaned by doing it. For women, cleanliness of house is a manifestation of warm, homey nest. Men and women have different thresholds for cleanliness and dirt.
  • Men often try to change a woman's mood when she is upset by offering solutions to her problems, which she interprets as discounting and invalidating her feelings.
  • Women try to change men's behavior by offering unsolicited advice and criticism and becoming a home-improvement committee.
6. HOW TO WORK WITH THESE DIFFERENCES 
  • When women are upset, it is not the time to offer solutions, though that may be appropriate at a future time when she is calmed down.
  • A man appreciates advice and criticism when it is requested. Men want to make improvements when they feel they are being approached as a solution to a problem rather than as the problem itself.
  • Men have great needs for status and independence (emphasis on separate and different); women have needs for intimacy and connection (emphasis on close and same).
  • Women need to receive caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance.
  • Women are motivated when they feel special or cherished.
  • Men need to receive trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement.
  • Men are motivated when they feel needed.   A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, though he may never express this.
7. SUMMARY 
  • There are major, significant differences between men and women.
  • The differences are different, NOT better or worse.  Do not judge the differences.  Do not try to change the differences.   Do not try to make them go away.
  • These are generalizations! Individual differences exist; we all have some of these qualities.
  • To get along, you MUST accept, expect and respect these differences.
  • Be sure to remember these differences when communicationg about anything important, when expressing care and concern, and when solving conflicts.
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Sep 2, 2011

SELF CONFIDENCE


Building Self-Confidence

Preparing yourself for success!

Build your self-confidence with James Manktelow & Amy Carlson.
From the quietly confident doctor whose advice we rely on, to the charismatic confidence of an inspiring speaker, self-confident people have qualities that everyone admires.
Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: People who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to become successful.
After all, most people are reluctant to back a project that's being pitched by someone who was nervous, fumbling and overly apologetic.
On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, who holds his or her head high, who answers questions assuredly, and who readily admits when he or she does not know something.
Self-confident people inspire confidence in others: their audience, their peers, their bosses, their customers, and their friends. And gaining the confidence of others is one of the key ways in which a self-confident person finds success.
The good news is that self-confidence really can be learned and built on. And, whether you’re working on your own self-confidence or building the confidence of people around you, it’s well-worth the effort!

So how confident do you seem to others?

Your level of self-confidence can show in many ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. Look at the following comparisons of common confident behavior with behavior associated with low self-confidence. Which thoughts or actions do you recognize in yourself and people around you?
Self-Confident
Low Self-Confidence
Doing what you believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize you for it.
Governing your behavior based on what other people think.
Being willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.
Staying in your comfort zone, fearing failure and so avoid taking risks.
Admitting your mistakes, and learning from them.
Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that you can fix the problem before anyone notices.
Waiting for others to congratulate you on your accomplishments.
Extolling your own virtues as often as possible to as many people as possible.
Accepting compliments graciously. “Thanks, I really worked hard on that prospectus. I’m pleased you recognize my efforts.”
Dismissing compliments offhandedly. “Oh that prospectus was nothing really, anyone could have done it.”
As you can see from these examples, low self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it often manifests itself as negativity. Self-confident people are generally more positive – they believe in themselves and their abilities, and they also believe in living life to the full.
What is Self-Confidence?
Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.
We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we'll succeed; and it's this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of setbacks.
This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem, which is a more general sense that we can cope with what's going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling that the people around us approve of us, which we may or may not be able to control. However, it also comes from the sense that we are behaving virtuously, that we're competent at what we do, and that we can compete successfully when we put our minds to it.
Some people believe that self-confidence can be built with affirmations and positive thinking. At Mind Tools, we believe that there's some truth in this, but that it's just as important to build self-confidence by setting and achieving goals – thereby building competence. Without this underlying competence, you don't have self-confidence: you have shallow over-confidence, with all of the issues, upset and failure that this brings.

Building Self-Confidence

So how do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of reality?
The bad news is that there’s no quick fix, or 5-minute solution.
The good news is that building self-confidence is readily achievable, just as long as you have the focus and determination to carry things through. And what’s even better is that the things you’ll do to build self-confidence will also build success – after all, your confidence will come from real, solid achievement. No-one can take this away from you!
So here are our three steps to self-confidence, for which we’ll use the metaphor of a journey: preparing for your journey; setting out; and accelerating towards success.

Step 1: Preparing for Your Journey

The first step involves getting yourself ready for your journey to self-confidence. You need to take stock of where you are, think about where you want to go, get yourself in the right mindset for your journey, and commit yourself to starting it and staying with it.
In preparing for your journey, do these five things:
Look at what you've already achieved:
Think about your life so far, and list the ten best things you've achieved in an "Achievement Log." Perhaps you came top in an important test or exam, played a key role in an important team, produced the best sales figures in a period, did something that made a key difference in someone else’s life, or delivered a project that meant a lot for your business.
Put these into a smartly formatted document, which you can look at often. And then spend a few minutes each week enjoying the success you’ve already had!
Think about your strengths:
Next, use a technique like SWOT Analysis (explore personal SWOT Analysis here) to take a look at who and where you are. Looking at your Achievement Log, and reflecting on your recent life, think about what your friends would consider to be your strengths and weaknesses. From these, think about the opportunities and threats you face.
Make sure that you enjoy a few minutes reflecting on your strengths!
Think about what's important to you, and where you want to go:
Next, think about the things that are really important to you, and what you want to achieve with your life.
Setting and achieving goals is a key part of this, and real self-confidence comes from this. Goal setting is the process you use to set yourself targets, and measure your successful hitting of those targets. See our article on goal setting to find out how to use this important technique, or use our Life Plan Workbook to think through your own goals in detail (see "Tip" below).
Inform your goal setting with your SWOT Analysis. Set goals that exploit your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, realize your opportunities, and control the threats you face.
And having set the major goals in your life, identify the first step in each. A tip: Make sure it’s a very small step, perhaps taking no more than an hour to complete!
Start managing your mind:
At this stage, you need to start managing your mind. Learn to pick up and defeat the negative self-talk which can destroy your confidence. See our article on rational positive thinking to find out how to do this.
Further useful reading includes our article on imagery – this teaches you how to use and create strong mental images of what you’ll feel and experience as you achieve your major goals – there’s something about doing this that makes even major goals seem achievable!
And then commit yourself to success!
The final part of preparing for the journey is to make a clear and unequivocal promise to yourself that you are absolutely committed to your journey, and that you will do all in your power to achieve it.
If as you’re doing it, you find doubts starting to surface, write them down and challenge them calmly and rationally. If they dissolve under scrutiny, that’s great. However if they are based on genuine risks, make sure you set additional goals to manage these appropriately. For help with evaluating and managing the risks you face, read our Risk Analysis and Management article.
Either way, make that promise!
Tip: Balanced Self-Confidence
Self-confidence is about balance. At one extreme, we have people with low self-confidence. At the other end, we have people who may be over-confident.
If you are under-confident, you’ll avoid taking risks and stretching yourself; and you might not try at all. And if you’re over-confident, you may take on too much risk, stretch yourself beyond your capabilities, and crash badly. You may also find that you’re so optimistic that you don’t try hard enough to truly succeed.
Getting this right is a matter of having the right amount of confidence, founded in reality and on your true ability. With the right amount of self-confidence, you will take informed risks, stretch yourself (but not beyond your abilities) and try hard.
So How Self Confident Are You? Take our short quiz to find out how self-confident you are already, and start looking at specific strategies to improve your confidence level.

Step 2: Setting Out

This is where you start, ever so slowly, moving towards your goal. By doing the right things, and starting with small, easy wins, you’ll put yourself on the path to success – and start building the self-confidence that comes with this.
Build the knowledge you need to succeed:
Looking at your goals, identify the skills you’ll need to achieve them. And then look at how you can acquire these skills confidently and well. Don’t just accept a sketchy, just-good-enough solution – look for a solution, a program or a course that fully equips you to achieve what you want to achieve and, ideally, gives you a certificate or qualification you can be proud of.
Focus on the basics:
When you’re starting, don’t try to do anything clever or elaborate. And don’t reach for perfection – just enjoy doing simple things successfully and well.
Set small goals, and achieve them:
Starting with the very small goals you identified in step 1, get in the habit of setting them, achieving them, and celebrating that achievement. Don’t make goals particularly challenging at this stage, just get into the habit of achieving them and celebrating them. And, little by little, start piling up the successes!
Keep managing your mind:
Stay on top of that positive thinking, keep celebrating and enjoying success, and keep those mental images strong. You can also use a technique like Treasure Mapping to make your visualizations even stronger!
And on the other side, learn to handle failure. Accept that mistakes happen when you’re trying something new. In fact, if you get into the habit of treating mistakes as learning experiences, you can (almost) start to see them in a positive light. After all, there’s a lot to be said for the saying “if it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger!”

Step 3: Accelerating Towards Success

By this stage, you’ll feel your self-confidence building. You’ll have completed some of the courses you started in step 2, and you’ll have plenty of success to celebrate!
This is the time to start stretching yourself. Make the goals a bit bigger, and the challenges a bit tougher. Increase the size of your commitment. And extend the skills you’ve proven into new, but closely related arenas.
Tip 1:
Keep yourself grounded – this is where people tend to get over-confident and over-stretch themselves. And make sure you don’t start enjoying cleverness for its own sake…
Tip 2:If you haven't already looked at it, use our How Self Confident Are You? quiz to find out how self-confident you are, and to identify specific strategies for building self-confidence.

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